apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
