I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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