wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
