turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
