"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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