Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
