All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
