It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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