Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
