i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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