96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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