He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
