i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
