Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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