4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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