I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
