eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my liver is dry heaving
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
