she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
