so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
