So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
