I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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