Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
