I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just invented taco cereal.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
