Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
