dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
