Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
