They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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