Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
