She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
