her vagine was all disorganized.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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