Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
