i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
