God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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