break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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