This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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