We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
