your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
