ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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