Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
