Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
