then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
