Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
