3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
