I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i think my cat just said my name.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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