i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
