you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
