Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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