so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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