I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Everything about him screamed your future.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't turn off my feet"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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