so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
