Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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